5. Sugar Addict Support Group
— Zoom meeting begins —
Hi, Sucrose Stars! Can everyone see me? Oops, my video was off, now can everyone see me? Perfect! Hi, I am Deborah and I will be leading tonights first official virtual Sugar Addict Support Group get together. And remember, if you are interested in sharing your sucrose journey today, please sign up in the Zoom chat to your right; Sally will ping you when you are on deck.
Okay, lovely, let’s move on to our first Sucrose Star… where is Nikki on the screen, ok great there she is. According to our records looks like she last attended a meeting during Halloween of 2018. Nikki, we would love to hear about your journey as I know you seemed nervous to speak today…
Hi Sucrose Stars, My name is Nikki and I am a sugar addict.
I am here today, because I broke one of the first rules of Sugar Addict Support Group.
Before you go on worrying and wondering what happened and why I am wearing a blanket to group tonight, let me tell you how it all started…
About three months ago I started this innocent little habit: Around 8pm every night I would take myself on a friendly neighborhood walk to get a chocolate bar at Wholefoods.
But it wasn’t that big of a deal because it was the 85% cocoa chocolate; for the polyphenol and resveratrol components.
An article I had read the day before promoted dark chocolate and daily red wine for the anti-aging benefits. Which I thought was key because I can’t keep popping vitamins all the time.
But there was one problem.
The chocolate aisle at Wholefoods is cozied right up to the cashier line.
Which meant, I would have to cut someone in line to shop for chocolate, just to then get back in that exact line. A human indignity.
So I went to grab a green juice and then ride the line until it went past the chocolate, like chocolate bar shopping was an after thought. #stealthoperation
Then Covid-19 hit. The 85% cacao chocolate bar walks, turned into 65% cacao walks, until all of a sudden it was the 33% milk Chocolate Toffee and Almonds from Chocolove, nightly.
Green juice was no longer a pretext.
And I thought that everything would be fine if I kept dabbling in this pandemic driven fermentation hobby. With all the kimchi and sauerkraut consumption, I thought the good bacteria would eat the sugar from all the Cadbury Mini eggs from Easter.
But then my jeans weren’t fitting anymore and I had to start styling t-shirts with stretchy pants.
Before I knew it, I was buying Lululemon just to have a good quality legging. All of a sudden I didn’t know who I was anymore.
Sugar in the time of Corona isn’t a romantic love story spanning decades like I thought it would be. It’s a horror story spanning months…
So I went on Pinterest to rediscover myself. See what kind of clothing inspiration would get me back on track to self love and respect.
I soon remembered that my Pinterest board was not only a mine field of fashion and life quotes, but dessert recipes.
So I started whipping up these chocolate chip cookies I found, under the illusion that I would definitely ship them to my nephews cross country.
But then the dough tasted weird. I had somehow used the oldest peanut butter out of our 20 jar apocalypse pile.
Was this a sign not to make the cookies?
I paced back and forth, what was the universe trying to say?
No, it was a sign that I should’ve stayed on recipe and need to remake without peanut butter.
I know Sugar Addict Support Group only has 3 codes of conduct:
- Never take candy from a child
- Always be honest with other Sucrose Stars
- Do not steal dessert recipes without credit to the originator
I am sorry to report, that the cookies never made it to my nephews. I stole from them and I will never be able to explain in a way they could internally grasp.
That night I consumed 15 of the most delicious, warm, sea salt cookies and balanced it out with a glass of organic sulfate free gluten free wine, as Scandal played in the background.
I immediately emptied the kitchen cabinet of all processed food and the 4 cookies that were left over; I couldn’t just send 4 cookies in the mail, they would some how still get delivered to my mouth.
I know you are all upset with me right now. But it isn’t without consequence. During Spirit Week we had to dress up as our favorite on screen character.
Knowing I wouldn’t pull off the Olivia Pope’s all white look in my condition, I had to find a character with an outfit that would fit. Remembering Bridget Jones was always moping around at home, I wore a blanket to honor her. I did not win Spirit Week.
However, I thought as punishment, having to wear a blanket as an outfit for 2020 until I can fit in clothes again in 2021, would suffice.
So Deborah, should we put this to a vote?
Deborah: As a group, we need to be unanimous. All in favor of Nikki wearing a second hand fleece blanket in service of an actual wardrobe until 2021, as a way to satisfy the punishment for breaking Rule #1 of the Code of Conduct, show a yellow thumb for agreement….
Does it have to be second hand?